Tuesday, May 02, 2006

So I have a short story. Just after 8am this morning, my phone rang, but I did not answer it. Being tired, I briefly thought of who it might be, but turned over to rest. Again, the phone rang, but I did not answer it. About 30 minutes later, my cell rang instead of the house phone which had been ringing before. I then gave in, got up an answered it.

To my surprise, it was my Grandmother who was visiting from British Columbia. Last night we went out for dinner (my treat) and we had spoken about the possibility of meeting up for breakfast. Her call was to tell me that she was too busy. She closed the conversation, saying, 'get up', in a sweet but serious way. I said, "I'm up", to which she chuckled.

Being home alone, I then put on a mixed gospel cd that I made last year, turned up the stereo, and began moving on what I had to do for the day (which is quite a lot - though I'm not going to list it..it's a lot).

Within it all, I had been noticing the way that the sunshine had found it's way into various corners of my house as a more than welcome guest. There is something about when the sun shines and you know that it is warm outside.

The story at this point, brings me back to a moment from the night that had just passed where I was sitting in a parked car in front of a gas station conveinience store. I had just finished leading a tour and orientation for the Harry Jerome Awards (which are tonight). I was waiting for one of my really good friends to make a quick purchase, and we were on our way to see my Granny.

In that moment I felt so favoured.

My friend came into the car and, upon looking at me in thought, asked me "what's wrong?". I told her that 'nothing, was wrong', and then I worded how I felt. I told her simply, "I am just thinking about my life, and I feel so favoured". She smiled. I continued to think.

When I was a child, I was growing up with my mom as a single mother who was taking care of my brother and I. We always had enough; God provided (and she worked her two jobs - God helps those that help themself). There was a lot that people around us had that we did not, but she made us feel that even without those things, we always had more than we needed. I was aware of how hard it was for her at times. One of my strongest memories of that time was being eight years old and waking up in the middle of the night to see my mom sitting alone and crying. I tried to comfort her, and it worked. She then got out her guitar and played and sang to me, "You are my sunshine". It always did something to me when she cried...always, like my heart is gripped by her tears.

During those years, I used to wonder why we weren't rich. I wondered why I had not been born into a family full of fortune. I was like 8, 9, 10 years old and I would ask God 'why?'. I figured it would have been so easy for God to make us rich like people we saw on TV. I always saw the way that money issues affected my mom and I didn't want us to have to deal with (I also liked the idea of having the life of Richie Rich or swimming in a pool of money like Scrooge McDuck).

Returning to that moment last night when I felt so favoured, it probably did look like I was sad (hence the question, 'what's wrong?'). As my mind goes to that same destination again, something stirs in my heart. See, it is hard for me to cry (I have not fully cried in more than a year), but I feel the beginnings of tears stir in my heart. I think of the HUGE privilege...I was sitting in my friends car, having been preparing for a prestigious award gala, going for dinner with my granny...I am healthy, talented, so loved, with so much opportunity...and I know God. His touch is so deeply instilled in me and so strongly estalished upon my life.! I know his presence, He has called me, chosen me and kept me thorugh it all.

My thoughts and heart, are connected to people dealing with disease, hunger, thirst and war. My Granny, later that evening, spoke of her childhood in the war and what that was like. While that was a part of her past, that is the present reality for many (and millions are going through far worse - must we list sweatshop labourers, famine in Niger, war in Chad and Sudan, the terror so many have dealt with in Haiti, those who have lost loved ones all over the globe to violence), and such plights have not touched my life.

So today, I have a day that was not promised and opportunity that I am privileged to have. I will go forward with praise and thankgiving. I will give my all to this day. I will give my best to this day. I will smile and be joyful, yet, in my heart there is a section that is ready to cry, knowing that so many that I am connected to are in a place where smiles don't come as easily and the threat of the theft of joy is more than prevelant.

The question to ask is this: can I do better? The answer is yes. The next question is how? Once you have answered that question, there is no more question on this subject. Once you know how, it is now time to do it.

Be blessed,Christopher Penrose